we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
