At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
