You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
