I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
