it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
