I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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