I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
