why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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