I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
