Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
