Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
