The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
