Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
