Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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