I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
