Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
