Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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