I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
