Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
