By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My pussy is not your playground.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
