Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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