I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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