the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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