Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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