Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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