After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
