Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
