I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
