Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
