is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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