I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
