Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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