Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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