One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
