Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize