bring money and cleavage
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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