Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
