Are we in a gay sports bar?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
