if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We had sex on a dog bed..
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize