I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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