"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
