watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
