i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
People in love make me want to vomit
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Randomize
