I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
