naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
