brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize