ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
