wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3pm strippers are depressing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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