I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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