watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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