youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
