my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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