I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
