"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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