last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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