she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
