I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
